My school keys, my PE whistle, a note from a parent, and some grading that needed to be done. They lay on my desk before me as painful reminders of what I’d be giving up.
My Heart’s desire since my memories began was to teach.
After living that dream for eight years of development, enjoyment, and precious memories, now the possibility had arisen that my dreams were going to be sacrificed.
Through circumstances not of my own choosing, the doors of the local church my husband was pastoring would soon be closed to us. To my husband’s excitement however, God was opening new doors. In a conference with several open churches, my husband was now the only available pastor. That meant we had calls from multiple churches for trial sermons. The only problem was that none of the churches were local.
Although we didn’t know God’s will for our lives yet, it appeared as though we were being led in a new direction.
Boxes had been sitting in our living room. Packing them seemed to me to symbolize packing away my life, my dreams, my goals. They were empty. It was painful to think of once again packing away memories and hopes. My heart hurt each time I walked past and noticed the empty boxes.
Now I sat at my desk thinking about the future. Hot tears poured from my eyes and coursed down my cheeks as I sat and surrendered. I surrendered my ambitions, my aspirations of career advancement, and my lack of control. “Yes,” was my cry. Where God was going to lead us, I had no clue. I still don’t. But what sweet peace there is in that full consecration to God’s will.
I had surrendered with my head and my words weeks ago, but my heart was not so easy.
You see, when you are living your dream, sometimes it’s hard to fathom that God could have a MORE blissful, more fulfilling future for you. When you’ve poured your heart into that dream job, into those precious souls you’ve reached, it’s hard to be torn away, even if there are so many others who need your touch. It’s kind of like a child whose parent tells them to put away their toys and get in the car. The child was perfectly happy with those toys. However when they submit to their parents will, they are overjoyed to find that their destination is the zoo.
A greater joy awaited them when they followed their parent’s plan.
What if they had refused to give up the toys they were holding onto? What if I refuse to let my sweet Savior guide me? Would I be happy? Perhaps for a time.
Would I miss out on that greater joy?
Right now, I don’t know what God’s plan is. I don’t know if He is going to lead us away from this place, or if He will show us that His will for us is to stay put. Whatever the case, my will is to follow His will. I’m content to rest in the knowledge that God has a better plan than my human plans. What a consolation and peace that brings!
Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have boxes to pack.
I don’t know where we’ll be going or what we’ll be doing, but I must prepare for God to take us to our next stopping point on our journey to our final destination, Heaven.
I’ll keep you posted as our journey continues.